I watched her every day from afar and followed her everywhere. I knew all her routines and all the routes she took. We lived in the same apartment complex so it was easy. Sometimes she would stop and turn to look behind her and I would dissolve into the shadows. Maybe she had discovered that she had a guardian angel watching over her, protecting her, shielding her from harm and from the wicked clutches of this unforgiving world.
Adanna was her name, the perfect creature within a world of excrement.
She was beautiful, perfect, unspoiled and her skin fair…unblemished. Her eyes were pure…innocent, so full of goodness and her full blood red lips were ever smiling… how I longed to kiss them, to caress them with my own lips and tongue. Her hair tumbled down her shoulders in thick black waves and her voice was the sweetest melody I had ever heard, I could only imagine that all the angels and saints wept as I did when I heard her sing in church. She always had a ready smile and a warm greeting for me anytime we bumped into each other in the hallway. She even smiles sweetly at me when I fumble over my words, cast my eyes southward and twist my index finger in nervousness. The recited words I had memorized to spew forth on our next ‘accidental meeting’ always dried up in my mouth and all that came forth were squeaks and whispers. And yet she never once made fun of me, always smiling…forever smiling.
She was the balm to my very existence and I needed her. I had an album four inches thick filled with pictures of my beloved. I even built a shrine in my room where I would pray feverishly to her and offer sacrifices of blood to her…my blood…my soul.
It was then I received a revelation, yes, a divine revelation, as if received directly from her…my goddess, my muse, my inspiration. I would be her knight in the shadows, her shield against harm. I would do harm to anyone who tried to do her harm and be there for her any time of any day.
This was it, the perfect time to prove my devotion and love to her. And I was determined not to fail my goddess.
It wasn’t long before I got that opportunity to prove it.
A male acquaintance of hers, Derek I believe his name was, had been hounding my goddess for a sexual relationship. And each time she rebuffed him he came back only more determined. Every refusal only strengthened the rabid dog’s resolve…
I sought guidance at the shrine…from my goddess of goddesses. I fasted and prayed for days, asked for a sign, a clue, anything. Anything that would tell me what I needed to do.
Then she came to me…my goddess…she told me what to do, she told me what needed to be done. I was her sword and shield, her dark knight and I would obey.
So I watched and waited, biding my time; watched my prey, waited for my opportunity. The more I watched him, the more impatient I became to carry out my divine assignment. But I knew I had to wait. I had to, for the sake of my goddess.
The opportunity finally came when the fool exited the nightclub… intoxicated to the marrow and trying to relieve himself on the tires of a parked car. I proceeded cautiously and managed to knock him unconscious after a brief struggle. I took him to a deserted place and there I killed him by slicing open his jugular vein and basked in the fountain of blood that erupted from the wound. Then I proceeded to dismember him, cutting off his limbs with an axe and burying them within Ani, but the head I kept, an offering to my goddess as thanks for her strength and inspiration.
One less rabid dog in the world.
I met her in the hallway again, looking absolutely divine and was blessed with the gift of her smile and kind words. I knew my goddess had recognized my effort and encouraged me mentally and spiritually. Yes…I knew this. Nothing would keep me from serving her.
My goddess had a friend, Onyinye I believe, who she thought was her best friend in the world, but in reality, she was a grinning serpent. My goddess took her in when she had nothing, shared everything with her; her money, her home, her food, her secrets. But the serpent, instead of honouring her for her goodness, betrayed her, stole her possessions and slandered her name. My goddess was heartbroken, totally distraught. Her smile disappeared, her divine glow waned and her eyes were always soaked in tears. I couldn’t stand to see my goddess like this, I had to do something. Onyinye had to pay for what she had done.
So I prayed and fasted to fever pitch intensity, made sacrifices of blood and received yet another revelation. Yes…this one was even clearer than the last…
Yes my goddess, the owner of my soul, I would obey.
So I sought her out, this daughter of Jezebel, and followed her to her lodgings, lodgings she had gotten from the money she had stolen from my goddess. I hid and waited in the shadows for my divine opportunity while she entertained a male guest with all sorts of sexual perversions. This only infuriated me the more…
So I killed her with a single knife thrust to her evil heart…and yes, her guest as well, by opening his jugular vein. And why not? He was as much a sinner as she was and this world needed to be cleansed of their filth. I calmed their heads, another gift for my goddess; she would be pleased with these gifts.
Another one came along, Obi I think was his name, or was it Tobi?…I do not know, I have never been good with names. But what I did know was that this time my goddess seemed to like this one. Yes, I watched the way she looked at him, the way she laughed at his stupid jokes, the way she held his hands…it was all so revolting.
How could she!? My goddess, my muse! Didn’t she see what that I had done for her? Didn’t she see the sacrifices I made in her name? Did she not hear my prayers? Or was this a test? A test of my love and devotion to her…it had to be. Which other man was more devoted than I to my goddess?
I would wait, watch…and pray for guidance.
Then it happened again. The bastard broke her heart! He had used her to satisfy his base animalistic sexual urges and abandoned her to the cold winds of sadness. Why? Why does the world hate you so much my goddess? Can they not see the goodness within you like I do?
How dare he?…How dare he!
This time there would be no prayers, no fasting. My message was clear to me, as bright as daylight. He had been sentenced to death by my goddess and I, her loyal executioner, was the one to carry out the sentence.
So I ambushed the bastard at his home as he came back from work. First I gagged him, then tortured him by slicing off each of the fingers of his left hand, listened to and relished the sweet groans of pain that came out from his muzzled mouth, like a sweet symphony to my ears. Then I made him write a letter of apology to my goddess asking for forgiveness and mercy so that he will enter her holy kingdom.
Then I castrated him and watched him bleed to death for the crime of profaning her holy temple.
Another sacrifice, another gift.
I felt it was time to confess my love and devotion to her. Afterall, I was her loyal servant, my duty was to her.
So during one of our many ‘accidental meetings,’ I convinced her to come to my apartment for a drink. She hesitated for a minute…just for a minute, then she agreed to follow me.Afterall, I was harmless, I would never hurt my goddess.
When we got to my humble lodgings, I used the opportunity to confess my feelings to her. I told her I had loved her for a long time, that I was her dark knight, her servant…her dutiful slave.
I had expected her to jump for joy now that the truth was finally revealed…to embrace me, kiss me and tell me she felt the same…but instead, she…she laughed. Why would she laugh? It was strange. My goddess laughed at me. Something was wrong somewhere. Maybe after she saw the shrine and pictures then she would understand. So I showed her the shrine, the pictures decorating the wall, the album, the four heads, the bloody letter of apology and one male sex organ preserved in large jars of formaldehyde…I showed her everything.
Perhaps now she would understand.
But what I saw in her eyes wasn’t love or gratitude, no. First, it was confusion, revulsion, then horror and fear. Why would my goddess be afraid? All of this was done for her…in her honour and for her glory. Why couldn’t she see that?
I tried to reassure her but she ran from me, towards the exit. I stopped her just in time.
What could be wrong? Why didn’t she love me back the same way I loved her? Was it something I had done? Something I had said?
As we struggled, the answer came to me…a divine revelation, as bright as the sun; her worldly vessel had been corrupted by the foulness of this world and she needed to be set free. Yes…yes. That was it! I had to set her free, that had been my assignment all along.
Don’t worry my love, my goddess…I, your obedient servant will release you.
So I put my hands around her smooth neck and began to choke her, and watched as the life slowly faded from her eyes. I kissed her then and savoured her last sweet breath upon this earth.
Even in death, she was perfect. Now her spirit will be in her heaven, but I couldn’t bear to commit her pale vessel into the arms of Ani…it would be too painful.
Then I had another idea…another grand, divine revelation, the best one yet.
Yes goddess, I am here to serve.
I took her body and drained it of all the blood into my bathtub, then proceeded to remove all her internal organs; liver, kidneys, uterus, intestines…all had to go. Except for the heart, oh no no…not the heart, it would have a place of honour in her shrine. Then I filled her up with dried grass gotten from the fields and salt to stop a quick rot, stitched her up and dressed her in a pretty white dress I had stolen from my neighbour next door.
Now all was perfect, all was right with the world. I had my love with me, I needed no other. She was mine forever, my goddess, and my doll…my wife. Together forever.
Somehow I think I did a poor job as the smell of death reached the other tenants and I was promptly reported to the police. They came, they saw, they retched their meals…several times in fact and arrested me.
The courts said I was insane…a madman, a devil worshipper, but I didn’t care, none of them mattered to me. Even when I was sentenced to life imprisonment with no chance of ever getting out, I still didn’t care. The fools didn’t matter to me, only she did…
Even as I sit in my cold dark cell she comes to me, my angel, my muse…my goddess. She comforts and blesses me for my good works.
Now she is truly mine…forever.
Written by Chimaobi Olayinka Ahuekwe
Hobbies: writing, long walks, watching movies, reading, playing video games.
Why I Write: I have always loved stories, from African folklore to their foreign counterparts. Stories of people, places, great wonders and mysteries that are contained in this world are always told through stories…through the movement of the lips, the stroke of the pen or in my case the clicking of a keyboard. It gives me joy to write, provides an outlet for any emotions I may be feeling; anger, happiness, hate, love, depression or motivation…I express all of it through my writings and this is why I write…to live.
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